Dear Web Journal,
Holy shit! It's 2007!!!!!1!!11
Actually, pay no attention to those exclamation points. They are only examples of feigned interest in the beginning of a new calendar. Band wagon excitement, if you will. Same shit, different year. Blah blah blah and on and on and on...
Actually I made some resolutions. I don't usually bother, because my will power is not what it used to be. When I was younger, I was that kid that always wrote five extra sentences for the vocabulary home work, or would spend hours on the basketball court making sure i got a certain number of shots in even after everyone else had gone. I guess some people might give it an unsavory name like "over achiever". I completely blame it on my dad. (I blame a few things on him, as it turns out. My emotional retardation, being another one. It's so easy when you don't have to take responsibility for yourself. Thanks American shrink culture). He was always saying stuff like, "5 more minutes every day and that big ball of wax grows larger and larger". Now. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?! Ball of wax? Please. But there I was, fool enough to buy it. Thank god I became an adult and can think for myself, because now my ball of wax is pretty stagnant. It might have even shrunk. Ah yes, nothing like the freedom to fail. Now, back to my resolutions.
They are simple. None of this go to the gym/eat healthy/snag a doctorlawyerpresidentoftheunitedstatesofamerica crap that most women use as resolutions. In no particular order:
1. Make eye contact with people. Seriously, I have a bad habit of NOT making eye contact when I am uncomfortable. I realize that it puts me in a position of weakness. I think I actually resolved to do this last year, too, but who's counting from one year to the next, right?
2. Every other week, eat at a new restaurant. On alternating weeks, actually cook a proper meal for myself. This one is easy, unless I get fired from my job in the next few months. Then I will be eating only street food - you know, food you find on the streets.
3. Spend more time in my beloved neighborhood. My lease is up in July, so I may or may not be in Ditmas Park for much longer. I am resolving to spend as much time in my neighborhood, without becomiong a total recluse and losing all my "friends", as possible. It also helps that one of the two bars has a pretty darned attractive and deliciously tattooed bartender. I mean, not that I have an ulterior motive on this one or anything.
4. Um, write something. Once in awhile. How lame.
Please, a month down the line, even two, feel free to ask me how my resolutions are going. I will appreciate your concern for my general well being and mental health. I will feel like a much better person, accomplished, comfortable in my own skin. And I will fight the urge to shove your ball of wax onto the next sharp object available to my person. I promise, no, I resolve.